the start of this blog

I don't know what is the purpose of this blog until I get deeper into writing on here. I am a student in California just trying to graduate like everyone else and get a job. Of course, I didn't make a blog to write about my hardships in college. I am writing this blog to pour out feelings both good or bad.

Lately, I have not been the best of moods and I would have to say that I dont know what is gonna happen in the next 6 months but I need to know... In a sense, it is crucial that the things I want to happen occur the next few months. I have never been this determined in my life. It frankly is different and slightly depressing. I know things will get in the way as time passes, and relationships I have with friends may sour because of my ignorance. But I feel that the best thing I can do now is do my best and strengthen every personal relationship I have so that atleast the web of people I have will be able to hold me up and stop me from falling into a black hole.

These next six months will be different, eventful, and possibly heartbreaking. My life stands on a pivotal point. Before me is a labyrinth that offers a wide variety of paths and an infinate number of outcomes. I have taken my first step this week on what I think is the best choice. Of course, it is not the easiest choice, but I don't really care about the additional suffering anymore. I am suffering a great deal regardless of the path I chose.

There is one path that is more difficult to me than any other path, and that path is to strip myself of who I am and become someone else. I would have to stop my love for the music I listen to. I as a individual cannnot accomplish this without sacrificing my principles. Music is my strongest connection to who I am. I have temporary switched to new and exotic music provided by and good friend. It is not who I am. There are a few good songs many I plan to keep listening to, but I could only see this annex to my musical soul and not replace it.