I haven't updated this blog for a while mostly because I didn't know what to say. My grandma passed away on Monday. I got news that she was on the brink of leaving around 6pm that day and I made my way to pick up my cousin before heading to the hospital before I got a text from another family member that she finally passed on. We finally arrived at the hospital and said our goodbyes. The most I did was tear up; I couldn't cry, and I haven't cried since. I don't know for sure what is holding me back from crying. It could be that I saw it coming a while ago, or that I'm glad she has ended her suffering. It could also be that I never felt close to her enough and I mentally want to distance myself. I realize that its only been about 3weeks since the start of this blog and the suffering I have endured... I believe that I should be a complete emotional black hole by now, but I have been in decent spirits this week. This leads me to believe that the human mind can take only so much emotional stress before it reaches a threshold that cause the brain to shut down depressive hormones and thoughts from forming. I feel that my brain has left a large chunk of itself into isolation so that I can continue my normal dail operations. But at the same time, my feelings seem desensitized, and I have lost a bit of my empathy resulting in slightly more selfish acts.
Her funeral is on tuesday in which I think I will be updating after it.
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