step 1

I woke up today feeling like crap. Went to the office and did some planning for the year. I decided to talk to the genie of wisdom in our office, and he honestly had a better grasp of the big picture cause he has lived life a lot longer than I have. He reminded me that I was in college and that anyone would trade places with me even for a little bit of heart break. He told me don't like a woman pull you down and that if she was the girl for me she wouldn't want to see me suffer. I am suffering... but she doesn't know it... cause I don't want to show it.... He also reminded me about how the lousy boyfriend is suffering too and that things will be strained with their relationship. And its very hard for long distance relationships to hold especially with the difference of college and community college. He wants me to go out there and have fun and not let one girl pull me down at what should be the best years of my life.

I am honestly waiting for her to leave as soon as possible. I think Ill be better( slightly). If you've gotten this far and don't know me I probably sound like a fucking dumbass. I probably sound pathetic. Well your wrong, most people who go through this hellhole are disabled and don't want to do anything. Sometimes they would go to harsh measures in hopes the girl will know and feel sorry for him and thus possible like him.

I know that isn't gonna happen anytime soon. I know being pathetic will not get me the girl I want. I know that being worthless right now will do no good for me. Surprisingly, I got more energy now and more ambition. Sure there are times all day where time moves slowly... and I lose my strength to move on... but things like this blog help alot. Writing relieves the pain. It also makes me think (something I love alot).

i am writing this in because i have to. and for proof if I ever need it.
She isnt religious
she has to be upbeat but have a bit of shyness
she wants to go out there and have an adventure, but also enjoys spending time indoors
She has to be musical- she should of played an instrument up till high school but doesn't need to still be playing it.
Loves the same areas of music as I do. not completely cause i doubt anyone can have exact clone taste and I don't need to marry a clone, but similar ones to connect.

My guru said that this list will change and I should remember people change through college. I will change my desires from a woman, she will change herself (for good or bad). and some girl out there will most likely changed to be come compatible to me.

I dont know... everything requires time to know. Time.. its the only thing that can change the world